शालीग्राम-कृपा देवी, राम नारायण-भगवान देवी, जगदीश-राकेश, प्रेमदेव-मिथलेश, योगेंद्र-संध्या, रविंद्र-सुनीता, भगवद-शाम्भवी, राजेश्वरनाथ-कमलेश, कमलेन्द्र-विमलेश, देवेन्द्र-गीता, शंकर, केदार, लक्ष्मी, दुर्गा, अम्बिका, भोले, शिवा, आशुतोष, काव्य, विज्ञ, अनिल, अवनि, गंगा, प्रज्ञा, दिव्य, पूजा, उपासना, कमल, भव्य, अरविंद, सिद्धार्थ,….. were some of the names I heard growing up. Synonyms of the Hindu God names, the five elements, symbolic expression of life were what they meant. As far as my memory goes, every morning the earliest sound I would hear was the bell ringing from our ‘पूजा घर'. My religious and disciplined mother would have finished her puja rituals before the world would awake to realise it is morning. My father, a doctor had numerous pictures of idols surrounding his den. He would sing 'श्लोक' any time of the day. The recital would be very enthralling. The Brahmin culture prevailed in my family with regular ‘नव-गृह पूजन', ‘हवन’, ‘रामायण पाठ’ ,’भंडारा’, ‘visits to temple’ , ‘माला जप’ and not to forget fasting as frequent as twice or thrice a week. As a child, little did I realise how deeply, though subtly I was imbibing the environment. No questions asked, not that I didn’t have any but the obedient child that I was, I took everything as a ritual. Gradually I started practicing and following my parents. The aim was not to be in their good books, for I never felt that need as the atmosphere was always soaked in goodness. The reason was the pleasure I received chanting/reciting and getting involved in the process. All the home pujas were performed by my grandfather till the time he was hale and hearty. Later the 'पंडित/पुजारी' started performing the 'पूजा' as my father's profession required commitment and time. And the 'पंडित' was checked if he would chant some 'मंत्र' wrong or demand some gifts or impositions. It did not take him long to get accustomed to the protocols.
No sooner did I reach my adolescence, where I had the right to voice out my then self-perceived thoughts, I proposed I would practice fasting. This was not very heartily welcomed as growing up meant proper nourishment and with the work-life balance mom created, she wanted her children to be healthy and strong. No stones unturned, such was her love that every single day when she returned from work, she bought something healthy to eat for her children. It would usually be fresh fruits or dry fruits. When it came to matters of worship, there was not much opposition in the family. The basic protocol to be maintained was studies would be top priority. Thus, I hardly faced any obstacles practicing fasting at the age of fourteen. It was more of a feast for me than a fast as the day’s nutrition included extra fruits, milk, dry fruits and juices. The most significant part of the day, however for me was the extra 'पूजा' or the 'कथा' that I would recite along with my daily chants. I started feeling a connection with God.
If I may put it rightly, devotion was what touched me before any logic or any conclusions on what the divine would be. Every Sunday with the telecast of ‘The Ramayana’ followed by ‘The Mahabharata’, on DD National, I would drown in tears. Some ‘दोहा' would get engraved in my mind and soul. It was not only about the daily worshipping rituals in the family, but what impacted my young mind was also the kind of humans my parents were. Righteousness was their value. Belonging to a middle class family where affluence was not the manner, both my parents had something common they practiced. Their generous nature. They earned with their 2 hands but were ready to help out the needy and underprivileged with 4. Papa would treat umpteen patients without charging his consultation fees. Mom would pay the school fees for her needy school children and provide them school supplies. Not only would both of them be so generous with matters of money, they would always be ready to support people in sorrow. Respect for all relationships, care for the elderly and the ‘सेवा भाव' for my grandparents was the law. I got casted in the mould with no friction.
As I moved from being an adolescent to a young adult, ‘love' touched me in the most unexpected and amazing way. Never before was my heart filled with such sweetness of emotion spreading bliss all around. I was committed. Was ready to face any challenge. I had faith and it kept me going. This was the phase of life when I felt the closest to the divine. Whatever qualms I had, I would mentally speak it to the power, I called ‘God’. All I would do is tell him I had faith and knew that all would be good. Hence, would commit myself to remain strong. It worked for me. Years passed, I got married and bore two children. During my pregnancy, my religious inclination increased manifold. I would spend most of my time post work in reading religious scriptures and singing hymns. All it would take is any ‘श्लोक’ or ‘भजन' that touched me to fill me with unexplainable tears of devotion.
I practiced what I inherited as my family culture. Yet, I have always been tolerant to all religions. I have always bowed down to Christianity, having studied in a Catholic Convent. One of my oldest, closest friend is a Muslim and thus I have appreciated the positivity and teachings of Islam. Sikhism has always drawn me to the concept of Guru. I have experienced the tranquility in many Gurudwaras.
One thing that I maintained out of habit was never to propagate my practice. I would never fall into any discussions or altercations related to the divine. I would always consider it a win-win situation accepting there could be difference of opinion and every individual has the right to practice what works for him or her.
At the age of 32 when I gave birth to my younger daughter , life opened the secret of laughter to me. Until then, I was mostly a pensive, intense and a cautious being. I believed in meticulous planning, always a go-getter and always on my toes. Not that these attributes died, but a magical portion of good humour enriched my life. My little girl taught me how one could laugh at all times, one could enjoy life as it is and how laughter actually is the best medicine. I truly revere the 35-50 years of age bracket. To me, this good decade and a half is the most settled phase of life. One is mature enough to understand what life truly is and is conscious enough to strive to keep it healthy. One is sound enough to not get carried away emotionally and one flows like a river spreading its ardour!
My 'भक्ति' opened me doors to the 'केदारनाथ' followed by 'महाकालेश्वर' and 'ओमकारेश्वर' 'ज्योतिर्लिंग'. The experience was divine! The firm belief that I would get 'दर्शन'‘ helped clear all unexpected obstacles in the respective trips. One thing that hit me crystal clear was that it is all about ‘energy’, the term I studied in Physics. I could actually feel the shiver down my spine when I was in the vicinity of these ‘ज्योतिर्लिंग'. This time the eyes did not just brim with tears, instead my entire shirt was soaked wet. The more my logical mind tried to comprehend what was happening to me, the more I was unable to draw any conclusions. The best to do at that moment was to get absorbed in the experience and live it fully. And so I did. It takes me a fraction of a minute, even now to experience that moment in my mind. What a bliss!
Naturally, I was drawn to meditation. I read several books, several methods to try my hands on meditation. I could not gather the process, I kept stumbling yet I kept treading on. Every single day, without fail; my own experiments with meditation. My own versions of 'ध्यान‘. During this quest, I accidentally hit upon Inner Engineering(IE) offered by Sadhguru. Time was a big constraint as my hands were completely full with college and home. Yet, no sooner did I plunge into the process, the time clock seemed to move at my pace! This was truly a miracle! I managed to complete the IE program and got initiated into Shambhavi Mahamudra. Now, I had the tool in the form of ‘kriya’. Constant support by the Isha volunteers helped me practice with ease. Commitment has never been an issue with me. Thus, my practices got modified. Daily rituals, puja offerings, shlokas, bhajans, fasts continued and the ‘kriya’ penetrated my schedule effortlessly. ‘शांति‘, 'ध्यान‘, love, peace, joyfulness is the experience not to be chased now. There are certain levels of curiosity that embody my mind. I do not have the answers yet to pen them down. The questions themselves are confusing. More about it when I have some answers.
Adieu for now!
